I Eat Sandwiches
⚖️ 3/10 - ‘Cheese Krakauer’
📍 Authentic German Sausage at @yourallypally, N22 London
Yesterday I had the honour of watching one of snooker’s biggest legends, Ronnie ‘The 🚀’ O’Sullivan. He’s been smashing up the green cloth for well over 20 years now, entertaining his fans with dizzying arrays of cueball mastery, and I’ve followed his whole career intently. So I’m there in the Alexandra Palace for the half time interval and my 👃🏼 starts to twitch. I smell ‘Oom Pah', lederhosen, schnitzel, and, of course, wurst, also known as Germany’s Yorkshire pudding, its bangers & mash. It’d have been rude not to.
🍞: White roll. Absolutely terrible. It was so dry and characterless, the only flavour note I could decipher was the polyethylene from the plastic wrap from which it came. Not off to a good start. Again, the preservatives must be somewhat related to the glue family. A bizarre texture.
🍗: Just a 🧀 bratwurst. Ah, that was easy - it makes for a pleasant change. A large ol’ dog with a streak of cheese running through the middle. Sauerkraut to top.
💭: The skin on the 🐶 was tight. It was tighter than the wallet of that one mate we all have, the one who reminds you of the fact that you still owe him £1.40 for that 🥐 he once bought you from Pret 2 months ago. So tight that each bite sounded and felt like a mini explosion 💥. The flavour was good and I was pleased to discover that it wasn’t one of those 🌭 you can buy from your local Morrisons, the kind that contain duck toenails and rabbit bile. But where was the 🧀?! It got totally lost, just like the faces of contestants in the Crystal Maze when confronted with a mind-boggling, yet fairly logical, task to complete. The sauerkraut was pathetic, too. Straight from a jar and defunct of any fun.
I think we all know this was never going to score highly 👎🏽, it was rather ‘plain Jane’, no offence to any Janes out there, and lacklustre. Luckily for me, The 🚀 won and my experience of watching the legend live ended on a high. But if you’re going to the Ally Pally for food, I’d strongly advise you to go with a packed lunch in ✋🏽