↞R E N A E M C F A R L A N D↠
PND- something that doesn't get talked about, in fear of what people will think, or what people will say, people won't know what to say.
I love being a mum more than anything, but it was hard. Breastfeeding was hard, recovery was hard, sleepless nights were hard, adjusting to motherhood was hard, it was hard. Feeling like you're the only one going thru it, wondering if it's you or your baby with the problem. I seriously have the most easy going, care free baby but I still struggled & people still didn't understand. Maybe my baby was so easy & strong because she felt she had to be to get me thru each day. Everything changed, it went from just josh and I, from not having to wake up at night, just walking out the door with nothing but our keys, just watching a movie, or just going to work. But then it started, the sleepless nights, having to pack bags to leave the house, making sure everything is organised, to being stuck at home feeling like I can't go anywhere because it's just easier to stay home. This tiny human depended on me 24/7. Motherhood was a huge reality check which I struggled to adapt too, I was in denial for so long. I was doing everything right, but I seriously lived for her. I needed to venture out & get a part of me back. How can I be the best for her when I wasn't the best for myself. I needed to be good within myself.
When you become a parent so many things change, I don't think anything can prepare you just how much things change, but for the better. It just takes awhile to adjust. I wish I got help earlier, I wish I didn't take the early days for granted, I feel like I wished it all away because I wasn't myself. Now I can't even remember her being little. I feel bad that I didn't connect with her as much as I should have. People only gloat about the good times, post the good things which makes you think it's all going to be roses when it's not. I love her more than anything & wish I loved the start as much as I do now.
For now, I'll love each and every second I have with her & appreciate being a mum. Josh has been nothing short of amazing. I couldn't have done it without him. 💕#PND #postnataldepression #speakup